Beer Pong

Beer pong

Nut up or shut up (Zombie Land Rocks). Never forget the utter failure beer pong can entail. The repercussions may include a naked lap, naked pull ups, or what ever the house rules may be. Such is life. With out action can we influence repercussions? And when its your last shot and the naked lap is inevitable throw the ball into the wall and strip. If you’ve lost at least advertise your self confidence if you can’t illustrate your marksmanship.

Now for the stories. Two come to mind: one college, the other after I dropped out. Firstly college. Now I went to a small private art school and I picked it for many reasons one of which that they had no football team. Football players are incredibly self conscious since they know that half the world thinks of them as poorly educated fatties in tights. Can’t wait to be tackled for that one. It also drives them crazy when I get with their woman because I can talk about something other then football. And I’m a runt extra burn. So our school lacking a football team took its beer pong very seriously. Anyone who came to our school were brutally annihilated in beer pong. Many naked laps were had.

Now one night me and my buddy were at a frat party and desired to try our luck at a game of beer pong knowing that if we get skunked, not making any cups, we have to run around the building naked. Well I was 18 just left High School and had no idea how good people can be at beer pong. We fill our cups and our opponents shoot. They both made it and get to bring it back. They shoot again and they both make it get another Bring-it-Back. Now there are two cups left on the table and we haven’t even shot yet. One shoots and makes it. Now if this guy makes it we are naked and running a lap around the house. He shoots and thankfully misses. So me and my bud get our first chance to throw and bear in mind we have probably played three games each in our lives before this. Bud shots and rims a cup. I shot and don’t even hit the table. We knew we were fucked. First opponent shoots makes it. Second makes it and we get no rebuttals. The laughter begins and all eyes are upon us waiting for the naked lap. Me not being a Gentleman at this point, immediately thinks of fleeing and leaving my bud to the wolves. I say ‘I have to take a piss!’ because I had to drink the beer so fast and fall back to the bathroom. From there I used a window and jumped off the roof. That’s right I jumped off a second story roof to get away. The secret is land on a bush but don’t pick a prickly bush or one strong enough to impale you. Go for a glancing blow either way it will be ugly and hurt like shit the bush just helps a little. The best part is I nearly ran into my bud who had tried to leave me as well. So we both got away and vowed to practice our beer pong before we hit the games again.

The next story came many years later after I had discovered my self-confidence and the gentleman code. It was Halloween and I had resolved to get my bud laid by helping him throw a party at his house. Party went off without a hitch and he was in bed by eleven and you know what I mean. So mission accomplished , I step to the beer pong table to try my luck. Now the table is being run by two girls one of which was my fuck neighbor and I knew she was good. What I didn’t know is how bad I was about to play.

So they get a huge lead and me and my teammate can’t sink a cup. The girls are consistently getting one cup a turn and we are powerless to sink one. Well they sink the last cup and we get rebuttals. Well I’m drunk, ready to except my defeat and run around the house naked to really make it a memorable night. I take my ball and throw it against the wall purposely losing the game. Now my teammate did not share my readiness to run around an apartment building naked during Halloween in the capital of our state. He took his time and took his shot. It seemed to hang in the air for minutes. I could have done my taxes during this pause in space and time, that is–– if I did my taxes. Then all at once the sweet sound of victory as the ball lands in the cup of beer. If you’re going to lose, Gentleman lose with grace, humility, and a good sense of humor. Although it never hurts to have a good teammate and or package.

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