Getting a coconut

Getting a coconut

Now this is one that seems fucking straight forward, but after making an ass of myself trying to do it and a 70 year old bohemian gets three at one try I will spare you guys the embarrassment because lets face it. Its my job. So I was 7 and my Mom just remarried and the whole new family goes to the Cayman Islands because lets face it my mom married some money. Seriously it’s as if I didn’t get to fuck in the play boy mansion because I was too young and as soon as I got swagger the huge house with the jacuzzi leaves my arsenal. Damn you divorce.

So seven and on the beach for the first time faced with a coconut tree. So first- throw something up there to knock them down obvious. Big rocks – near by –– this will be no problem. Throw, hit, no coconut. Throw hit, no coconut. Throw miss. New rock. Throw hit –––no coconut. Throw miss, hit, miss, hit, hit, hit, hit, fucking hit, fuck you tree I hit it. Hit no nut. Fuck you tree I’m the top of the food chain give me food. Hit, Hit, miss, miss, miss, miss, fuck you tree. Big fucking stick I’ll throw that. Fuck you tree give back my stick. New rock, throw, miss, fuck you tree and your fucking nuts. I demand a coconut bitch I’m an American. We can split the fucking atom, but I can’t get a fucking coconut. Fuck you bitch I’m climbing you. Shit this is sharp, fuck, ouch, fuck, pain, almost there, fuck you gravity! Fall, pain. Fuck you tree I’m not giving up, climb, climb, pain, fuck you tree, fuck you wind, stop swaying the fucking tree, this bitch is sharp. Ouch, pain, fuck, coconuts one point, American zero. Every curse word know to man since 1358. I’m seven.

Enter the wise old Bahamian. So he walks up saying nothing merely motioning with both his hand slowly that I should back up. Suddenly he reaches into the sand lifting a twenty foot water pipe like a giant fulcrum and at it highest point it intersected the coconuts knocking them down. I felt like an ass. This old man had gotten three coconuts with the minimal effort in mere seconds. Did I mention the embarrassment?

So class keep a large rain pipe under the coconut trees and you get easy coconuts for life and you can be spared the embarrassment of looking like a tourist.

6 thoughts on “Getting a coconut

  1. I love how you tell your tales. Your writing has such spunk! Im glad you somehow came across my blog and liked it because it introduced me to your undeniable talent. Is this really your life or creative persona? Either way, its got me hooked. Cant wait to read more. Cheers!

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