How to find a half dead body
So one night in my crime ridden college town, the guy who lived in the apartment building behind me called me saying he is being followed by guys with bandanas on their faces and to bring some heat out back immediately. As usual I was drunk coked up and ready to die. I run upstairs to my buds apartment who said he had a gun and would help on our neighborhood watch. Most neighborhood watches are old people who just call the cops. On our block we all sell or do drugs so no one calls the cops. We deal with it ourselves. After the girls field hockey house was broken into I got some people together and we were the block watch; fuck neighborhood watch. So I get him, tell him to get his heat and we take off down the alley. We get behind our building and see no one. Not our buddy or people in masks. I call him again to discover he has been chased to the McDonald’s and is waiting for us there. We find him and start walking back to our building when in the alley behind our apartment building, we see a body. Now I’ve heard about tricks, where muggers will take a manikin, blow up doll or even an accomplish cover it put in in a dark place and when someone goes to offer help. Smash! There skulls are crushed in from behind with a big fucking pipe. So I draw and tell my buddy to draw and what does he pull out, fucking brass knuckles. Now my friend, apparently assuming we would never be in this situation, has lied and said he was armed I had just never seen his gun. So there we are the block watch me with a tiny .25 caliber automatic. My support with brass knuckles and the third has his dog he was walking. The cutest sweetest bulldog puppy you could ever meet. I take point and they are right behind me as we check around the body before approaching. We creep closer and closer looking behind every car, dumpster, and set of trash cans looking for the ambush. We get to about ten feet from the body and he suddenly starts coughing up blood. Its very dark and we can’t see much but as I get closer I can see the back of this person. His head is smashed in by all literal meanings of the phrase. There was brain, skull and blood everywhere. His face lay in a pot hole in the alley that was filling with his own blood and he was drowning in it as it pooled in the pot hole. We went up to pull him out when all the sudden thee cop cars and an ambulance roll up as we are standing over this half dead person. I having an illegal fire arm at the time immediately did an about face and slowly disappeared into the shadows while the cops talked my my friends and the medics did their work. I ran back to my house and burred my gun in the kitty litter box. This was my favorite hiding place till I taught my cats to piss outside and 86ed the litter box. I have a cat door in a down town city how cool is that?
Now the things to remember here is always look for the ambush, check if your friends are full of shit about having a gun, and get a gun people. They make you sleep very well. I guess if you really wanted to be safe you would chose a different town, but I moved here for the action. Shit I figured I’d get myself brutally murdered, and buried in the river by my 25th but here I am at 27 writing my book. Life is funny.
Many would say stay in your homes call the police and do all that suburbia shit. In the four minutes we went to McDonald’s to get our friend that poor guy was pulled out of his still running car and nearly beaten to death. He tried to get away by crawling thirty feet as they stomped him and finally they ended it with a pipe to his skull. He got to behind my house, nearly drowned on his own blood, in four hellish minutes. I know because I saw the surveillance tape. He survived but lost most of his teeth and had to have twenty staples put his head. He will look like a Frankenstein the rest of his life because of those four minutes. They didn’t take his car or money. They just mercilessly tried to beat him to death and left him for dead. In my city there were a rash of these beatings. We called them the lead pipe beatings because people on my street and the rich street one block south of mine were getting jumped and either beaten to death or nearly for no apparent reason. There were whispers of it being a gang initiation, but it is all unfounded.
What I’m trying to say is be aware how fucked up this world can be before you go sticking your neck out, but I would rather get shot then do nothing even with my new outlook on life. Besides my friends and family are already waiting for me at the end of the bar. So gentleman think before you act in this case but most of you should get your asses into the alley. You will be proud of yourself.