Sexy date checklist
This is a checklist before a woman comes to your house and is arranged in order of importance. In case of the surprise pop in run through this list from top to bottom completing as many as you can in the allotted time you have.
Brush teeth- Gentleman nobody is getting any with bad breath and to many of my brothers are at the bar with bad breath. For the record ask the bartender for parsley and shew it it will kill your bad breath.
condoms lube-make sure you can stick it because lets face it this is what you are here to do
toilet and paper– Make sure she can wipe and sit on a clean john
music– Have to have something to bang to.
drinks– make sure you have her favorite. If you do not know just ask and keep it around the house. She will appreciate the gesture if you know what I mean. And stop drinking so much beer America, liquor is quicker, beer is for breakfast and barbarians. Beer makes you have to pee more and liquor drink are better to fight bad breath. Lastly try banging with a couple beers sloshing around your gut… Its sucks and makes you burp and fart, not attractive during sexcapades.
Water- Hey people have to hydrate. Sexy time is dehydrating. Take a quick water break every ten to twenty no shame if your hitting it well. She likes water to offer it.
Good setting and lighting- Gentleman have a nice looking house. Paint it get some nice furniture. Your not in college anymore, and if you are get a head start. Those queer eye guys for the straight guys had it right.
Bed- make sure the bed is clean and washed, but if not you can always fuck on the couch.
Towel- After sex woman like a clean towel and shower too if they don’t fall asleep. Good sex is dirty.
Bedroom floor- Get the dirty cloths off the floor so you can walk around your entire bed.
Bathroom floor- pick up the condom behind the trash can and the empty toilet paper rolls off the floor.
Food- After sex who doesn’t like a sandwich or perhaps cook her dinner before if you have anything good in the fridge.
Toy care organization and cleaning- If everything else is said and done then look to the toys. If they are not clean you are gross. This should be done no more then a day after sex. But your manly checking batteries and shit. This is last because lets face it they have been doing it for hundreds of years without them. But its fun to keep it new. Toilet and drinks before toys.