The wrong way to take cancer news

The wrong way to take cancer news

Hello America. From my stories it is clear that in the past, before my quest to be a Gentleman, I made a ton of really really bad decisions. They were wrong, childish, sex fueled, always seemed to evolve more drugs then sense, funny as hell and embarrassing as shit. So lets tune in.

Now one day my buddy says, “hey, dude you have a lump on your lip.” Now me being the womanizing, dollar throwing, drink buying, 23 year old, I am, I thought I had gotten a souvenir if you know what I mean. So I go to the doctor for my shots. Tragically when I go to the doctor he try’s to tell me that the lump may be cancer and I should get checked out. Enter the five stages of denial. Stage one Anger. “Fuck you doctor, what do you know, you work at patient first fuck you I’m gone.” (If your reading this by the way I’m sorry Doc) I drive down the road to the best, most expensive hospital in town. The spot where all the rich people go. I have a 1,000 dollars cash ready to have a doctor saw off my lip. I rush into the emergency room and when I have to fill out the form I put cancer in the list problems. The woman looks at me funny and lets me talk to a doctor. Now I was impressed by how fast the doctor saw me, until he gave his prognosis.

Now this cancer expert says this to me after simply touching my lip. “Yeah that’s cancer.” Stage two of denial bargaining. I reply with “Cut it out man its just my lip here’s a grand lop the whole thing off if you need to.” He says he can’t I have to go to the specialist, but it normally takes weeks to get an appointment. He finishes his diagnosis with saying, “And it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get your affairs in order, what do you think you’ll do now?”

I think to myself this fucking doctor just had the balls to tell me I might die, and to make plans. He is now curious to see what I will say and how I will react. What a prick. I thought long and hard how to reply to this and I said the following. “I’m going to get an ounce of the dankest, skunkiest purple bud in this city, an eight ball of the most face numbing teeth gnashing blow, have my fuck buddy meet me at my house and either die from a sex or drug overdoes tonight.”(Probably not a good idea)  I watched my Dad die in bed it’s not for me. He looks at me with a curious look on his face and simply says, “pretty good that’s the best I’ve heard.” The nurse behind him was speechless the entire time but smiled as soon as I mentioned my fuck buddy and die fucking. You could tell she was wondering if she writes that in the chart and she looked at the doctor who shook his head.

I left the hospital in stage three of denial, depression. Convinced of my own mortality I jumped into my five speed BMW sports edition and floored it. I’m driving one hundred and fifty miles an hour on a two lane road with the music cranked as I smoke weed and call my fuck buddy to meet me at my house, telling her just that I got bad news from the doctor. I stop at my dealers house spend the grand and head home. I get home before her and jump in the shower because I’ve been sweating bullets all day. I finish my shower just in time to see her coming into my bedroom looking damn fine and ready to go. We get into bed I spark a joint and she says so what’s the STD. I reply with “STD what you were still going to fuck me.” She replies, “With well your good in bed and sadly if you have it so do I.” I thought good point on both fronts and told her I have cancer in my lip. A wave of relief washes over her and she starts blowing me. Life does have its perks.

I smoke my joint as I’m getting blown thinking of all the great sex I will be missing out on and all the woman who will not get to know how many orgasms they can achieve in one night. And all the Sailing that will never happen. And the crazy sex begins. Pound, pound, pound, missionary, pound pound pound doggy style line off her back. I plowed it like a field. I fucked it on the bed, on the floor on the wall, in the sex swing. She did lines off my cock and I did them off her back as I fucked her from behind. I even tied it up, gauged it, whipped it, paddle it and ravaged it till she couldn’t walk from ecstasy. She was kinky as hell and I liked it. I just kept fucking, kept snorting and smoking to a point it could be considered attempted suicide by drugs, sex, and techno.

The sun came up, we had done most of the drugs. Both us just lay speechless, exhausted, not believing the incredible sex we just had and how awkward our situation was. Her numb from the hair down from sex over load still wearing a collar and cuffs with the taste of salt in her mouth. Me covered in sweat, naked, possibly having my tenth heart attack of the night and cancer in my lip. And now in stage four, acceptance, a sad realization that I had survived my attempted sexicide. It dawned on me I had shit to do.

 

For the exciting conclusion read my post Cancer Surgery

49 thoughts on “The wrong way to take cancer news

  1. You should start with ‘Hello World’ – reader from the UK here. Ahh, this was kind of depressing to read. But I still want to know what happened. You’re clearly still alive, so that’s good.

  2. Am I the only one who read this and thought, “Fuck YEAH! That’s how I’d do it!” If you happen to wear your fuck buddy out before the cancer kills you, give me a call. 😉

  3. Just like that is what springs to my mind… A lesson for us all… Shall follow you for updates.. You sound strong but I am betting you are anything but just now… Hugs…x

  4. Hmmm. Okay. Well, I wasn’t sure what I’d find here but you liked my post and so I thought I’d go read something on your blog. I have to be honest though. My first thought was “Fuck, I don’t want to read about cancer, how depressing.” But it’s life, and it’s your life and it wasn’t all that depressing at all. So, here’s to what will hopefully be a fairly painless experience and recovery.

  5. Love the title of your post. When my mom was diagnosed with cancer, my family and I sat around making the most horrible jokes and laughed until we cried. Good luck and thanks for stopping by to give me LIKE!

  6. great blog and sorry to hear the news, but this is what blogging is about not to be afraid to tell the truth, tell it as it is and lots of respect for you. i will follow your blogs to see how you are doing, you have a friend here in Dover England… and mj2013 hope it works out and this blogger gets the award

  7. Painfully and brilliantly honest. Thank you for sharing and I hope we can watch you screw yourself healthy! And by watch, I mean read, but pictures are never a bad thing;)!

  8. Your honesty is almost frightening to me. You have lived a very different life than I an d yours seems like a wild and scary place to live in. But I’m coming back for more. I need to find out what happens next. Is it voyeuristic that we want more?

  9. I have to admit I thought I dropped into a really depressing blog but I decided to read this post and find out more for myself. I’m glad I did. Your story was very truthful, captivating and made me “lol”. Thank you for liking my post and for the follow. You have probably heard this before but you should write a book!

  10. Question: I am new to your blog…but in your My Life bit you wrote I was born in 1985 meaning your 28. But here you say your 23. Is this about the past?

  11. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer at 40, my first thought was “Thank God Im outta here”. Second: too many obligations to quit. Third: Im gonna beat it with humor, grace and gratitude for the chance to beat it. And that is what has made the difference for me. So I called my cancer BOOB (Breast on oncology binge) and laughed at anything I could find funny, even when the humor was so black I couldn’t see any light. Of course, my humor didn’t get to your, er, testosterone-overloaded levels!

  12. I just learned a thing or two about where you could do those lines and I’m impressed. You also went from 0 to 60 in 60 seconds with the stages of grief there, too. So I’m doubly impressed. Great story and I can’t wait for more.

  13. Man, I got pulled off the AT hike with sudden speech loss and facial twitches in 2011. Now, post surgery, I deal with brain cancer reality and decided if I’m going out, I’m gonna have no regrets. Ironically, I’ve never loved life more now. Keep on living it man and get that book out sooner than later! Awesome skills.

  14. Fucking brilliant. Laughed and loved every minute of it.

    Oh >> sorry about the cancer man… Off to read some more… Ill figure out how to follow you somehow. IOS POS

  15. Taylor, you’ve seen the ocean horizon at sundown and death at sun up. At the end of the day, it’s just you and God. Nobody knows that better than a man who has been out to sea.

  16. Cancer may be suspected, but cannot blurt out until a biopsy is done. And even if it is confirmed, it is not a death sentence. There are treatment. Denials, even repeated ones, are natural. The biological body may have cancer of the lip, but your lived body is different.

  17. Yours is a dificult, yet brutally honest story to read. I applaud you for sharing, and surviving all the hurdles in your life. I wish you an easier, blessed life ahead, full of healing. Thank you for following my blog. I hope that it uplifts you to a happier place.

  18. Out of the three potential posts suggested to me, I picked this one because it sounded like the most interesting. I’m glad I did. I was hooked ’til the end. And now, I’m off to read the conclusion.

  19. Hilarious. I’ve read some of your other stuff and I think your pace is phenomenal. You’re quick in wit and shit son! Keep up the good work and good luck on the publishing trail. Buy me one of them sail boats when you make it ;o)

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