One new years my bro is in town and I took it upon myself to show him a good time. This is my bro from a different mo and we have been finding trouble since 2nd grade. I guess more accurately I have found the trouble and talked him into following me into it. God bless him, if I did it he was right behind me since the great raptor hunt of 94. That’s right America our seven year old asses having just seen Jurassic Park were convinced a Raptor was lurking in my woods. Armed to the teeth with a BB gun and compound bow we hunted it for days even trying to bait it with dog food. We were unsuccessful however we did find a missing great dane however I’m still convinced that was not was I saw hunting us in those dark woods.
So back to new years, him being from my small town and me being the one who escaped to the big city I wanted to show him the life of lights on the streets and pavement under our feet. Our first stop was to watch the ball raise. In my city like New York we have a ball ceremony however ours raises and is impossible to see when it’s at the top contributing to our seven year in a row incorrect, and late countdown. God bless a criminal city but the education here is staggering. Any who unlike the thousands of people in the streets I have to make the night my own, by climbing onto a roof next to the ball raising with two bottles of bubbly. A minor trespassing possibly considered breaking and entering to some judges, but with all the crime I have committed that slap on the wrist stuff looks like the kiddy ride to a carrier fighter pilot.
Of course my bro is the respectable one. He teaches your kids America, God bless the public school system. He was not sure of this roof climb, due to the possible 20 foot fall getting up there, and the booze already influencing our balance. It had been years since I had seen him but like we were 7 again hunting the raptor I climbed first showing him the way and after a few adolescent taunts his drunk ass was climbing. The problem was going around the chimney due to a barbed wire fence on the roof keeping people off. I almost fell. Last thoughts to cross my mind. Fall back first hugging the bottle to protect it. Will want to get drunk after I lose all feeling in my legs. Before I ask bro to beat me to death with the empty bottle since I wont be able to use Sir Gordon Johnson on hot ladies ever again Because you got to have goals America.
The roof climbed, bottles primed, we await the countdown. Looking at the smile on his face as he looked down on all the people and the people cheering up at us, I could see why people deal with my ass. Sure I’m rough around the edges and a mixture of archer, barney stinson, and hunter S. But, I show people how to live and have been called every name but boring and monotonous. Live every day like it was your last. One day it will be. The countdown begins, the ball raises, and the corks fly into the crowd below us. Drunk, cheering, feeling like Gods atop our tower of bubbles we were happy. Right up till that cop car entered our Korbel realm.
When the party was winding down the cops show up to help clear the drunks from the streets. Convinced we were atop Olympus drinking with Zeus we did not notice that cop car emerging from Hades’s ninth ring. Virgil what the fuck? Drunk bastard. Suddenly me and my bro snap out of our drunken chants. We see a cop car next to the girls we are shouting at and a chill creeps up our spine. Yes your honor I was drunk on that roof and I loved it! The cops sees the girls looking up, follows suit, and sees us. Feeling the tremble in the force of my bro I silently whisper “own it and raise your glass with me to the cop”, as I mentally plan an o shit run off the roof plan B. My bro reverting back to 7 says nothing, stands up straight, and raises his glass with me to the cop woman. She smiles, waves and drives on. What a country. My bro turns to me speechlessly asking “how in the fuck?” I look at him and say bro I’m a criminal run and they chase you raise your glass and stand tall… We look like we own the building. Look like your supposed to be there and cops ignore you. Yes officer this is my T.V.. Yes officer this weed is medicinal. Yes officer I was drunkenly sledding on this hill using an art museum sign as a sled, I own this place. Well at least plan B worked on the sledding one.
Drunk enough to barley walk but not drunk enough to land a controlled fall we hit the bars with the mortals. Our souls baptized in champagne of Olympus.
Long Live the Writers