BAD DREAMS AND REGRET

America I have horrible nightmares at best once a week.  I’m talking wake up covered in sweat and physical tired from running in my dream.  I have woken up with scratches on my face, bruises on my body, and once a dislocated shoulder.  Somebody please figure that one out.  I beat the crap out of myself at night and its the major reason I don’t like to let woman sleep in my bed.  Nothing to do with my fear of commitment and abandonment issues almost done with those.  Its all about accidently beating the crap out of her while I’m sleeping.  But why am I telling you this?  Regret.  You see my reacquiring dreams are all my gruesome death.  I have died in literally every way conceivable,  Shot, burned, stabbed, hung, skinned, poisoned, run over by a car, truck and train, hack to pieces, fallen to death and shot to death by zombies with guns while covering my friends escape but that one I actually liked.  Zombies with guns how cool would that be?  What a good death it was epic I stayed alive to fire off every bullet I had as they riddled me.  As I died I could see my friends escape.  What a death but moving on.  Is it a nightmare if you like the death?  Anyway…

What I’m getting at is regret.  I’m not a dream interpreter and it doesn’t take a shrink to figure these out anyway.  I have seen a lot of death cut and dry.  I just want to tell you about a dream I had a week ago and one last night which reminded me.  Last night I dreamed of putting my dog down again.  Ze  Arnold Scarface in my arms, his soft hair, drool everywhere and his odorous stink.  God I miss his stink.  It was so real and painful to see him slip away after 23 great years.  I spent more time with that dog then my father and that’s not an exaggeration.  Got the dog when Dad came back and stole the dog when I moved away.  God I loved that dog and as horrible the dream was it was nice in a sick pathetic way to hold my big bro again(my entire life the dog outweighed me and I always wanted a brother).

This reminded me of a dream last week where I was being brutally murdered on my farm.  Remember the scene in private ryan when the jewish guy has a knife stabbed through his chest incredibly slowly yeah had that dream and let me say not fun. That one was up there with the killer clown hacking off my limbs as I go on a run away roller coaster or being pined down with no food in a rice paddy by charlie and they try to temp me out with well rice paddies but the edible kind not swamp.  Any way what I’m getting at is while attempting to slow the knife entering my chest I was home on the farm.  I could smell the wood beams in the house, the smoke of the wood stove,  I could see the funny old doors, and all my Dad’s CDs.  It was all so real and nice to be home even with a knife being stabbed into my chest.  I have not been home in four years.  Really only twice in six.  Once to go to Dad’s funeral and another to pick up my stuff.  This leads me to my only regret in this life of mine.  Leaving my Dad to die.  No nicer way to put it.  I was 23 my Dad had AIDS and he wanted to die.  Not only did I have to leave to save myself mentally I had to leave because everyday I risked getting AIDS being his care giver.  I cracked, we fought, I told him I wanted him to live, but couldn’t watch him die anymore.  He had been in bed dying for years at that point.  I left him to die in the care of nurses and we never even had a legal drink together at a bar.  This, in my eyes, has been my only failure in life and I never want to forget it.  To save myself I abandoned my father and moved to the big city.  It started well enough, I got back into college was working a legal job as a hotel engineer, but when he died I knew I left him and the crime began.  We all left him the entire family.  Some could make the excuse I was the youngest of the cowards or we are all responsible for our own lives, but I feel age is not as significant as most Americans and we should always help each other no matter what the risk.  I study the old days where 15 year olds were midshipmen on frigates in charge of four guns in a battle or the battle of warsaw during WW2 where little kids ran ammo and messages to the front lines.  I never want to forget leaving Dad because I failed.  You never leave your loved ones no matter what and here I am five years later, the farm gone and no family.  A hard lesson to learn, but one I honor for my Dad.  I will never run again.  I will never live with this burden of regret again.  Left only with memories and nightmares all I can do is mourn in my dank little down town apartment.

Learn from me America that’s what I write for.  The only sin in this life is regret and fuck I sinned.  But I will never make that mistake again.  Fight the hard fight America.  Stick with your loved ones family or not.  Even if you save yourself a piece of you dies with them.

P.S.  I dont want any comments about o that’s sad poor guy.  Don’t be pussies America and get your heads out of your asses.  Just want to illustrate the importance of fighting the good fight and I use my life as a catalysis to smack you in the balls and get your attention.  Don’t get all lifetime channel on me just trying to prove a point.  Now go fuck something America.  Give God a high five and bring down the wrath on the fine asses he made, Wear a condom.  Peace Out.

Long Live the Writers

Oceans

O yeah and buy my book America only way your getting edits.  Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America How To Live  4.7 out of 5 rating on Amazon.com.  Link Below.  Help spread the word of the new indie author.  Lived by me, written by me, and sure as shit not edited by me.  I mean look at this America I had way to much good times and sex in school to focus on grammar.  Worth it.

http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385767769&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right

10,000 Disciples

Holy shit America 10,000 Disciples, 73,816 views, 2572 comments, 965 best ever views in a day, and a 4.7 out of 5 rating for my book on amazon.com .  Not to bad for a guy who has made every mistake possible.  Thanks for reading, buying books, and supporting indie authors.  If you have not tried my book Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America How to Live yet give it a go.  Available on Amazon.com.  Here is the link.  http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385767769&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right

 My book will make you laugh, cry and teach you a thing or two.  But don’t trust me check out what they are saying on amazon.com I love this shit.  Kindle copy available and Barns and Noble nook thing coming soon.

4.0 out of 5 stars Hilarious, January 8, 2014
 
I got this through CreateSpace and it’s effing hilarious. Hopefully this book does well enough through indie publishing that he can get picked up by a traditional publisher, because it’s a funny book and I see no reason why — with the marketing and editorial resources of a traditional publishing company — and it couldn’t reach a wider audience.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
 
5.0 out of 5 stars A 5-Star Read!!!, January 2, 2014
I LOVED this book!!! I discovered the book when it was donated to project that I run. This is the most REAL book that I have ever read. Taylor Oceans has lived one hell of a crazy life and has an amazing way of retelling it to his readers. This book had me on the floor in hysterical tears. It also left me with some very valuable life lessons. I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone, especially young people!!! I want to also send a huge THANK YOU for sharing your story with the world to Taylor Oceans.
Help other customers find the most helpful reviews 
 
5.0 out of 5 stars Well played, December 18, 2013
 
Amazon Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
As a follower of Ocean’s blog, I couldn’t wait for this book. It has become one of my beliefs that we should be as candid and open as possible and he’s done just that. Excellent stories and I never got bored reading it. I will say though that I’m not a fan of the last paragraph. You’re at a point where most people barely figure out that there is a life to be lived. You’ve kicked ass, taken names but what kind of stories do you think people want to hear about your next 27 years? Think twice about living that ‘family man’ life… Keep life amazing man!
 
4.0 out of 5 stars Everyone Loves A Bad Boy, December 18, 2013
 
This review is from: Playing Your Hand Right : Showing America How to Live: Anyone who can’t admit a mistake hasn’t learned from it yet. (Paperback)
Secretly, we want what they have and we want to be able to do what they do. And this boy can get as bad as we can imagine. He does it with gusto and a sense of pride in ownership. He owns what he does and it makes him great! It makes us envious.

Where are our guts? Hidden deep within our limitations. Taylor exposes his inner self with no holds barred. Sexually, he sounds like Don Juan run wild. Who wouldn’t want to be in his shoes? Some of his statements make me feel like I’ve never even had sex, and I’m old and should have tried at least a few of his suggestions by now. Physically he is small, but there’s a Goliath beneath the tiny frame, and David would do well to run from this giant. He doesn’t give up and he doesn’t give in.

When can I have a drink with him? I want to hear and learn more.

Robert

 
5.0 out of 5 stars Amazing, November 17, 2013
Amazon Verified Purchase(What’s this?)
Absolutely loved this book. The tales were humorous yet so real. He has such an interesting outlook on life. Great writer, hope to see more.
 
5.0 out of 5 stars Play it again Taylor, October 18, 2013
 
This review is from: Playing Your Hand Right : Showing America How to Live: Anyone who can’t admit a mistake hasn’t learned from it yet. (Paperback)
Taylor takes you with him on his adventures. His style of writing brings humor to the most simple of takes. Beer pong and dealers, sex toys and Mitzvahs, fires and and log rolling…oh my!

You’ll read about the boy turning to a gentleman. The kid turning to an adult. The Nieve turning experienced and all in 200 pages. This book is a compilation of stories that will grab your attention and make you take notice.

It’s not for the faint of heart and requires all who venture forth to strap in and keep your hands inside the car. Once the ride is moving there’s no turning back. 

There is something in this book for everyone. The war with his friends. The fire that takes his eyebrows, the Valentines day special. For every vice a fix and every itch finds a scratch. From glass pipes to glass dil*** and glasses of scotch. College buddies and drug buddies and f*** buddies alike…Taylor proves life is there for the taking, you just grab hold and enjoy!

 
So give my book a try and see how to play your hand right.  Link Below.
 
 
Long Live the Writers
 
Oceans
 

I’d be full of shit if I said I didn’t love comments like this now buy my book America

By Ebony Arrington-McMillan on January 2, 2014

Format: Kindle Edition

I LOVED this book!!! I discovered the book when it was donated to project that I run. This is the most REAL book that I have ever read. Taylor Oceans has lived one hell of a crazy life and has an amazing way of retelling it to his readers. This book had me on the floor in hysterical tears. It also left me with some very valuable life lessons. I would absolutely recommend this book to anyone, especially young people!!! I want to also send a huge THANK YOU for sharing your story with the world to Taylor Oceans.

Thank you Ebony for the wonderful comment.  After two years of writing, doubting, listening to the doubters, and betting everything financially on myself, the long shot. I will admit to a few moments of weakness.  But I like to say bash your head against the wall till it comes down or something useful comes out of your head.  I think I just might have pulled it off.  Bet on yourself America who the hell else will.  And if you feel like trying something new try me and my tales Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America How to Live for a good laugh and life lesson.  Published only three months ago and available on Amazon.com.  Be the first of your friends to discover my tales. Thanks for reading.

Long Live the Writers

Oceans

P.S.  The organization was Books for troops (link below) send them your old books to be forwarded to our troops.  Support our troops, Hate the Government.

https://www.facebook.com/BooksForTroops2013

P.S.S. or something? If your read the post about my date stuck on the side of the road and no one helped she finally made it down for new years in her moms car because hers is fucked.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQlIhraqL7o and it was really good

Buy My Book People are loving this shit

Alright America 30 books sold and not a bad review yet and 4.8 rating on Amazon.  Now there are almost 10,000 of you out there so go to Amazon.com and buy my book  Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America How To Live.  My book will make you laugh, like a son of a bitch yet it does have a serious theme of life, love and the pursuit of happiness America style.  My New years resolution is to sell 1,000 copies next year at least.  That would mean you guys would help me raise 1,000 dollars to help me advertise.  I have bought 50 books so far and I’m sending them out to newspapers, publishers, book stores, agents, radio and T.V. Stations.  And at this point I have bought more books then you America.  I’m all alone on this America, but if you read my writing you know that only makes me go harder.  I will get on the New York times best seller list just a matter of when and I need your help to do it America.  You need to click on the link below and buy the digital copy of my book for only 3 bucks or the paper back for 10 bucks.  When you discover what a gem it is you need to get one friend to buy a copy.  1,000 bucks means 125 copies of my book get mailed to the right people’s desks.  Help me play my hand right America and years from now when someone says “Have you ever heard of Taylor Oceans?”  You get to reply, “Oceans, shit I was one of his original disciples.”  Here is a comment I received on my FB page from a very nice woman who runs books for troops.  I sent a few copies of my book to our boys she read it and this is what she said.

Ok..I HAVE to give a huge shout-out to an author and friend who YOU should check out.Taylor Oceans!!! YOU HAVE TO READ HIS BOOK, Playing Your Right Hand…This book has me laughing so hard!!! And what I LOVE about it is that it is REAL…Check it out for yourself!!!

 So take a chance on me America.  I know I’m a long shot, but sometimes long shots pay off big.  Link to my book on Amazon below.

http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385767769&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right

Also Check out books for troops.  Send our boys some good reads they earned it!  Link below to the face book page.

https://www.facebook.com/groups/booksfortroops/

P.S.  Don’t forget bonus chapters only in the book.  Your only getting my rough drafts, free writes, and half the story on the blog. 

         

Boy Vs Nature

BOY VS NATURE
When I was let’s say 13, my mother and I were walking on the beach, where I would later wreck a car on the cliffs above. We were walking and enjoying the sand, the sounds, and shooting the shit when I lock eyes on a 250-pound piece of pole: drift wood. It looked like someone had cut three feet off a big telephone pole and thrown it in the water. Stupid right? Well to the craziest, most imaginative boy in the world, this wasn’t a huge pain in the ass, getting it up the hill, and a mile or two down the road to the house. It was the greatest chopping block in the world. It was the perfect height, width, circumference, yet it was white because it was driftwood. I thought I had found gold and damn the cost I will get this 250-pound pain in the ass home, which already had a perfectly good chopping block.
The quest begins. Now, cliffs flank the beach we are on and the only way up it was a path through the woods that went up a thirty to forty-foot hill. So mom and I turn back and continue to talk about what ever the hell and while we are walking back, I’m kicking and pushing the log along the beach. When I was 13, or really all my life, I have been a small dude. At the time, I probably weighed 80 pounds soaking wet. So this log is wearing me out after rolling it over five hundred yards of sandy beach.
We enter the path through the woods. In my hometown, we have poison ivy and briers, not woods. Remember the poor guy in Saw surrounded by barbed wire. Yeah, it brought back memories but I had to push a log through my self-inflicted hell. So after a hundred feet of natural acupuncture, I reached the hill. I knew this would be the culmination of my quest. I had heard the story of Sisyphus and knew he spent eternity pushing a boulder up a hill over and over again and I would not repeat history. I was better than the log and smarter than Sisyphus.
I sink my flip-flops (poor choice of foot wear) into the dirt, and put my shoulder to the log. I could put my shoulder to the log, which was probably two feet off the ground because I was three feet tall at the time. You know just before you get your growth spurt? Well, imagine it never hit.
So runt, log, hill. This is not a perfect geometrical 45-degree angle hill; the beginning is easier and as you get to the top it gets steeper and steeper. The first third of the hill I get past pretty easily. When I get to the middle, I rest for the big push to the top and my inevitable victory over nature. This path is dirt and a little damp underfoot so my flip-flops are not working well. I finish my rest, give myself the you’re better than the log, gravity, hill, poor foot wear, and genetics pep talk and push. I’m 75% of the way there and slipping my ass off. This log is three times my body weight and it’s winning. Have a midget try to push a football Coliseum. Looked the same but on a hill and in flops. I say, “Fuck” and roll the log back down the path.
I pace, swear, pace, swear, and the whole time my mother is watching, coaching, and trying to control her laughter as her tiny part-Serb son is bested by a log. I’m sure she was torn between feeling pride for my tenacity, pity for being small, and laughing her ass off at the sight of her tiny son fighting nature.
I regain my vigor; remind myself I’m a Serb, English, Scottish, Irish mutt. I’m the crazy, rule the world, fight like hell, and fight like hell while drunk product of shoddy breeding. I put my shoulder to the object of my rage and roll that mother like a fine joint. I’m halfway there and I’m not stopping. My Serb forefathers started World War One. I don’t even need a break. I will bend the world and nature to my will like my English forefathers shouting “Make the world England.” I’m 75% there and the Scott comes out. I see the green hills of my forefathers and the dirty rainy crap hole they lived in and kept pushing as if I am a participant in the Highland Games. Scenes of Brave Heart flash before me and I think Freedom! I get to the final feet and see the top. My mother is jumping up and down shouting you got this, you can do it, come on, make me proud. The Irishman kicks in and the fight is on. But wait, I’m 13. I have no liquid courage, AKA Irish fuel. And the machine runs out of steam. I slip; the log rolls over my 80-pound body, down the hill, off the path, and into a brier patch. I roll down the hill, flip-flops flying everywhere. It was like a B-52 strike in Nam. I get to the bottom of the hill, resting comfortably on my face.
I snap back to Serb. I’m nuts, I’m enraged, I erupt with profanity, obscenity, and disgust at how this piece of shit log will not heed my will. Why won’t you go home? Are you to good for your home? Answer me, log! I rush up the hill to my waiting mother who wants to say watch your language, but is probably just happy I didn’t break every bone in my body when the huge damn log rolled over my face. I tell my mom we are going home and start down the road. She starts to console me with its OK you’ll get bigger, it was a big hill, that was a huge log, the honor is in the attempt, and that’s when I cut her off. I say, “Hell no. I’m not done yet. I need shit. I need pants for briers, boots for the mud, gloves to protect my hands…

Does my new plan work?  Who will win when I return the Boy or Nature?  Buy my book Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America How to Live.  Self Published only three months ago and available on Amazon and Kindle.  4.8 out of 5 rating on Amazon so buy this puppy and spread the word of Taylor Oceans.  My book is 200 pages of my funny tales, my sexy tales, my insane tales, and my other tales you wont believe are true.  And don’t think its all on the blog either.  Bonus chapters only in the book.  Got to get you guys to buy the book somehow right?  So put down your bongs, pause the porn and click on the link below to get your hands on a page turner.

http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385767769&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right

And tell your friends to buy a copy too.

Long live the writers

Taylor Oceans

Drinking on a Date

DRINKING ON A DATE
Gentlemen, we are not in a drinking contest with these women; we are trying to get into their pants. Stop trying to show off how much you can drink, often failing, ending in embarrassing and inevitable vomiting moments or, God-forbid, whiskey dick. Gentlemen, show off your restraint and self-control. Fake some maturity and it may develop by accident. Learn the value of hydrating with water every other drink you order. It will keep you sober longer, help your kidneys, and help minimize a hangover, which is basically a self-inflicted case of dehydration. But enough of this, onto the funny story which proves my point.
So one night, I’m out with a banging field hockey player. Ass, legs, tits, face, I give it a ten. We go on a bar hopping escapade like no other. Now this was one of those women who tries to out drink you and I hate to admit it, I think she did. So we are going from one bar to another. I’m buying everything and getting half the bar drunk with us where ever we go. We are having a blast, I’m funny, charming, touching her just the right amount, I’m in like Flint. Then it happens. Can you get us into the after hours bar? At this point I planned to be just the right amount of drunk to get my Serbian hard fuck on. I’m drunk, locked and loaded and she wants to go to the after hours bar which smells like B.O. and vomit. Before I know it I’m saying, “Of course baby I can get you in anywhere and will go longer then any man.” Perplexed I found myself hailing a cab, getting in, and saying take us to the after hours joint. This is the problem. I’m not a member and am not even sure where this place is. Luckily, the cabby did and he dropped us off in the darkest, dankest alley in the murder capital of America at the time. We get out and this is the tip, guys. When she gets out, stick your head back in the cab and give the cabby a 20 to hang till we get in. If you can’t get into the club, have an escape plan. I walk up to a dark garage door with the name of the place spray painted on the door with some puke sprayed on it as well. A good sign. I bang on the door, it opens, and the bouncer pegs me for what I am, a runt with a 10 on his arm so I’m either hung or a drug dealer. He was a good judge of character. He asks for my membership card and I slip him a 50. Now Gents, a bribe in this case is the only option and it had better be big enough for him to except it. All after hours bars are the same. Drinks cost five times as much, so they are used to big spenders, so spend it if you want to hit it. It wouldn’t be uncommon for the bouncer to take the 5 you slipped him, the girl, and leave your runt ass in the cold.
So we are in and as all other late night places, it stinks like ass, which starts the nausea. Now we have had basically every type of liquor, started on beer, and need I mention the huge rails we had been taking all night. So I don’t feel good and we keep drinking because I am the man or at least a Huburis schmuck. We have now been drinking for eight hours and she is ready to try that Serbian pounding so we get a cab. Walking out of the place, I realize I have an 80% chance of booting. I thought of going to the bathroom, but if you’re caught booting in most bars, they will throw you out so I have to make it home. We smoke a little weed while waiting for the cab and that worked a little, but as soon as we get in the cab, it all goes wrong. He takes the bumpiest, longest way home and I’m not feeling well. She is talking and happy; I’m pretending to listen without booting. I’m now at 90% chance of booting and considering my options. Do I tell the cabby to pull over, can I make it home and save my reputation? How the hell am I going to fuck without booting? I can’t even ride in a cab and it happens. Major liquor boot is coming up my throat. I look for anything, damn it the window doesn’t work I need a bucket, God help me I don’t want to boot in a cab with a 10. God save my soul, I’ll do what ever you want. Become a monk. Build you a cathedral. Paint a Sistine Chapel. Confess my sins. Whatever you want, Lord. Help me, please!
Apparently, God was taking a shit that second and I boot. Somehow I catch it in my mouth without spraying it all over the back of the driver’s head. So there I am, mouth full of vomit, in a cab, with a 10. We have three blocks to go and an idea hits me. Keep it in your mouth and when the cab stops hop out and let it out on the other side of the car where no one will notice. She is still talking and has no idea the totally fucked, humiliating, disgusting, situation I’m in. Do you guys remember what it tasted like in your mouths for three blocks? No you don’t. I’m the only fucking person on earth who ever got stuck in this situation…  Does my plan work?  Do I still give her the serb fire or do I crash and burn?  Buy my book, this is just one of the 43 page turning chapters…Link Below  And dont forget bonus chapters never before seen in the blog.

http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385767769&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right

And a Repost Reminder to get your free signed book below

GIFT OF GIVING BOOK GIVE AWAY CONTEST

In the spirit of Festivus (all religions and Seinfeld welcome here, I’m a half assed Buddhist) I’m offering a challenge to you America.  I guess world at this point 9,000 disciples baby.  From South Korea to North Dakota 63,734 views on this blog.  I want you to go out and be Gentleman and Ladies.  I want a video, picture or letter (not to long people) of you doing good deeds.  Take out your neighbors trash.  Pull over and help someone who is broken down.  Save the girls field hockey team from getting raped.  Should probably leave that one to me, but it made a great chapter for my book.  Suit up and be nice America, to get a signed copy of my book Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America how to Live for Festivus.  I will personally shimmy my scrauny self down your chimney like the fat dude in the red suit, and put it under the Festivous Pole.  (Joking) To be entered for a chance to Win a signed Copy go to the books FB page (https://www.facebook.com/taylor.oceans.3) and like the page and in the comments tell me about your Christmas mitzvah. All comments will be entered for a chance to win a signed copy of the book. 2 winners will be chosen contest ends Christmas Eve 12/24/13.  Be creative, funny and send all entries to playingyourhandright@gmail.com or post on face book.  The winners will be posted on my blog and Face Book (Taylor Oceans) so you can share it with your friends and family.  Not to mention the free book to start the new year with a laugh.  Merry Festivus everyone!

Long Live the Writers

Taylor Oceans

P.S.  Since it’s my job to show you how to live America I will start the good deed book give away myself.  I just sent two of my books to books for troops as my way of being a gentleman today.  Every day be a Gentleman or Lady America.  Here is the address.  Mail then some stuff and take a pic of your package to win a free signed copy of my book.  I will pick two winners.  Get creative America and get to it America.  This world doesn’t have to be such a piece of shit.

Ebony Simone McMillan

Hi Taylor Books for Troops – Donations can be mailed to…

Books for Troops c/o Ebony McMillan 112 Michael Ave East Hartford, CT 06108

Thank you so much for wanting to be apart of this project

~Ebony

WE HAVE OUR FIRST CONTESTANT ANYONE ELSE WANT TO STEP UP AND BE GENTLEMAN AND LADIES?

The first Contestant.  Send your tales to playingyourhandright@gmail.com or post on the FB page (Taylor Oceans) to get a chance to win a free signed copy of my book.  Two will be given away. Be Gentleman and Ladies America. Be the change.  Now here is the first letter I have received.

I re-read your blog from Dec 13 this morning about helping someone. It was spontaneous,……I came out of a parking lot, walking, and there was this guy in a wheelchair having a hard time coming up a ramp. I thought of your instructions and I pushed him up the ramp. He looked so shocked. He turned around and said with such joy….”Happy Holidays”. I said “You too!” I had the warmest glow come over me from head to toe.

Thanks!
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Gift of Giving Book Give Away Contest

In the spirit of Festivus (all religions and Seinfeld welcome here, I’m a half assed Buddhist) I’m offering a challenge to you America.  I guess world at this point 9,000 disciples baby.  From South Korea to North Dakota 63,734 views on this blog.  I want you to go out and be Gentleman and Ladies.  I want a video, picture or letter (not to long people) of you doing good deeds.  Take out your neighbors trash.  Pull over and help someone who is broken down.  Save the girls field hockey team from getting raped.  Should probably leave that one to me, but it made a great chapter for my book.  Suit up and be nice America, to get a signed copy of my book Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America how to Live for Festivus.  I will personally shimmy my scrauny self down your chimney like the fat dude in the red suit, and put it under the Festivous Pole.  (Joking) To be entered for a chance to Win a signed Copy go to the books FB page (https://www.facebook.com/taylor.oceans.3) and like the page and in the comments tell me about your Christmas mitzvah. All comments will be entered for a chance to win a signed copy of the book. 2 winners will be chosen contest ends Christmas Eve 12/24/13.  Be creative, funny and send all entries to playingyourhandright@gmail.com or post on face book.  The winners will be posted on my blog and Face Book (Taylor Oceans) so you can share it with your friends and family.  Not to mention the free book to start the new year with a laugh.  Merry Festivus everyone!

Long Live the Writers

Taylor Oceans

P.S.  Since it’s my job to show you how to live America I will start the good deed book give away myself.  I just sent two of my books to books for troops as my way of being a gentleman today.  Every day be a Gentleman or Lady America.  Here is the address.  Mail then some stuff and take a pic of your package to win a free signed copy of my book.  I will pick two winners.  Get creative America and get to it America.  This world doesn’t have to be such a piece of shit.

Ebony Simone McMillan

Hi Taylor Books for Troops – Donations can be mailed to…

Books for Troops c/o Ebony McMillan 112 Michael Ave East Hartford, CT 06108

Thank you so much for wanting to be apart of this project

~Ebony

 

WE HAVE OUR FIRST CONTESTANT ANYONE ELSE WANT TO STEP UP AND BE GENTLEMAN AND LADIES?

The first Contestant.  Send your tales to playingyourhandright@gmail.com or post on the FB page (Taylor Oceans) to get a chance to win a free signed copy of my book.  Two will be given away. Be Gentleman and Ladies America. Be the change.  Now here is the first letter I have received.

I re-read your blog from Dec 13 this morning about helping someone. It was spontaneous,……I came out of a parking lot, walking, and there was this guy in a wheelchair having a hard time coming up a ramp. I thought of your instructions and I pushed him up the ramp. He looked so shocked. He turned around and said with such joy….”Happy Holidays”. I said “You too!” I had the warmest glow come over me from head to toe.

Thanks!
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Just passed 9,000 disciples on Word Press and Face Book

For what is a man, what has he got?
If not himself, then he has naught
To say the things he truly feels and not the words of one who kneels
The record shows I took the blows and did it my way!

Just passed 9,000 disciples writing it my way and just wanted to say thanks america. When I started this blog ten months ago I was very nervous about my writing and not to optimistic about ever finishing my book. 9048 disciples later and my book published 60 days ago I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve got 50 of my books next to me right now and they are about to be mailed out to all the local book stores, radio stations, and T.V Stations in my fair city to spread the word. Think happy thoughts for me America and keep buying books. Who knows, some day may see my book in barns and noble and remember you found me blogging and living my way. Thanks for reading, buying books and giving hope to a writer trying to live life his way.
As always link to my book on amazon below. For 9,000 disciples I have lowered the kindle copy to three bucks and will keep it down for a few days so if you haven’t bought my book yet give it a three dollar try. Link below.

http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385767769&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right

Long Live the Writers
And don’t forget to live life your way

Taylor Oceans

Another book review

these fell through the cracks.  I didn’t even know you could comment on the amazon page and I see I have gotten two comments and two 5 out of 5 stars.  Hell yeah.  This is what they said.

Format: Kindle Edition Amazon Verified Purchase

Absolutely loved this book. The tales were humorous yet so real. He has such an interesting outlook on life. Great writer, hope to see more.

Comment  

Thank you for your feedback.

By NikkiK on October 18, 2013

Format: Paperback

Taylor takes you with him on his adventures. His style of writing brings humor to the most simple of takes. Beer pong and dealers, sex toys and Mitzvahs, fires and and log rolling…oh my!

You’ll read about the boy turning to a gentleman. The kid turning to an adult. The Nieve turning experienced and all in 200 pages. This book is a compilation of stories that will grab your attention and make you take notice.

It’s not for the faint of heart and requires all who venture forth to strap in and keep your hands inside the car. Once the ride is moving there’s no turning back. 

There is something in this book for everyone. The war with his friends. The fire that takes his eyebrows, the Valentines day special. For every vice a fix and every itch finds a scratch. From glass pipes to glass dil*** and glasses of scotch. College buddies and drug buddies and f*** buddies alike…Taylor proves life is there for the taking, you just grab hold and enjoy!

 
Thanks again for the comments and join the club of satisfied book readers.  The book is two months old and just passed 20 books sold.  Clearly not what I had hoped however the comments are far better then I had ever dreamed so it’s give and take.  Please give my self published book a try and rest assured the three dollars I make off you will be spent on the book.  Just ordered 50 copies to mail to publishers, radio station, T.V. Stations, books stores and more.  Books don’t sell themselves and I appreciate all the help I can get because I’m breaking out America.  Time to show you guys how to live.  Follow on Face Book (Taylor Oceans).  Link to my book below.  Buy it and help a struggling author break out.    
 

A Silent Vow

A SILENT VOW
Most people don’t get jaded until they are at least twenty or thirty, while others realized there was something wrong with their fellow man at a very young age. Rewind a life tape to late nineties to see a boy just learning to drive a stick shift. Now, this little boy had been saving his entire short 15-year-old life to buy himself a car. You see he was always competitive and when his mother remarried, he became the youngest of five ranging from 15 to 22. All of his older siblings fought over the car and he wanted to be the first to get his own. The boy wouldn’t have to answer to anyone when he wanted to go somewhere. Well he saved up all his pennies and his mom helped him by matching every dollar he put into the bank. For years, he saved his pennies better than any kid his age till he saved up 3,000 bucks; 1,500 of which was his own money.
The boy is 15 and he has bought a red BMW. Don’t let that fool you; a Cuban refugee would call it “A piece of lizard shit on a hot day.” Nevertheless, the boy was so proud. He was about to get his learner’s permit and, being from a small town, his mom said he could drive out of the driveway and take a left. She figured even this boy couldn’t hurt himself on two miles of road. The boy hopped into his car one day after school and said he was going to the dead end and back to practice his stick shift. He leaves and due to a combination of shitty driving, even crappier roads, and a sun glare at just the right time, the boy flips his car upside down, flying twenty feet before landing on the roof.
The car slides on its roof, towards a cliff over a river. Since it was a small town, technically a village, there are no guardrails. Upside down, still buckled into his seat, the boy sees the oncoming cliff over a river, with only a few small trees in the way. The car smashes into a tree on the passenger side, destroying the door. It bounces into another tree on the driver side door, pinning the boy onto the center console by placing the driver side door on his left leg and hip. The car rebounded off this tree, facing the car perfectly towards the cliff it’s about to slide over. The young boy knows if the car doesn’t stop, it’s a thirty-foot drop onto a small beach or a river. He remembers playing on that beach, getting a huge chopping block and sailing around the point. The car loses momentum, but continues moving towards the cliff, crushing two more small trees and the hood goes over. The car teeters on the cliff’s edge as it slides over. He sees nothing out the windshield but beach and river thirty feet down. He dangles upside down pinned by the door that was neatly placed in his lap via oak tree number two. Then the car stops…
A small tree just before the cliff has gotten stuck in the sunroof. The boy realizes the car is still running and wheels still turning. It happened so fast he still has his foot on the gas. He shuts off the ignition and takes in his new situation. He is pinned in his seat by the door that was smashed onto his left leg. The other door is smashed and won’t open. Unbelievably, none of the windows are shattered.
Then he smells gas. Out of the pan and into the fire. This boy was always a bit of a fatalist and a James Bond fan. He knew a flipped car plus leaking gas equals fiery death. The count down begins in his head. THREE… I’m going to die a virgin. LIFE FAIL! He knows the engine is trashed, smoking, and gas is everywhere. He watches gas pool under him and run down the windshield towards the engine. TWO… I never sailed around the world so many times I forgot how many times. LIFE FAIL! He knows when the gas gets to the dashboard it will blow. He is strangely calm. He knows only once in your life is there no point in fighting. There is not enough time to get his leg free, break a window and get clear. ONE… I never had sex with 14 women at once on a boat. LIFE FAIL! He watches the catalyst of his death flow into the dashboard… Nothing. He sits there ready to be roasted by God. And nothing…
The boy says fuck it, I’m gone! Luckily, he is the runt of the litter and worms his leg free. He may have only survived the car being crumbled around him because he was small enough. He unbuckles his seat belt, not realizing it is the only thing keeping him in his seat; the car is upside down. As soon as he hits the buckle, the seat belt retracts snagging his left shoulder; he falls, dislocating his left arm. Simultaneously, his head smashes into the handle to open the sunroof. Remember, the car is a piece of lizard shit on a hot day and the sunroof has a hand crank. 81 BMW, baby.
The boy with a dislocated shoulder, major headache and covered in gas says, “Fuck. I got this.” He resolves to punch out the driver’s side window to escape. Slam. Did I mention the boy was a 15-year-old runt? He can’t break a window swinging in that cramped space. Smash. The boy says to himself, “Look fucker, do you want to burn to death? Or, get the fuck out of here, grow up to be a bad ass, and bang 14 Brazilian volleyball players on your sailboat?
BOOOOOOOM. The boy smashes the window and he is free. He climbs out of the car, with a dislocated shoulder, just in time to see an oncoming car. Finally. Help. This is over. He waves his right arm because he can’t lift his left. The car passes close enough so the driver and the boy can lock eyes. The boy read apathy in the driver’s eyes as the car passed by. At fifteen, the boy made a silent vow to himself. If he ever saw someone who needed help, he would help. He would never stoop to the servile level of leaving a small boy next to a wrecked car on the side of the road.
The boy knew he had to finish this himself. Cowboy up. He slammed his dislocated shoulder into the trunk of the car to knock it back in as he had seen Mel Gibson do in Lethal Weapon. Surprisingly, it worked on the second knock. He then ran a mile home so pumped up on adrenalin he didn’t even notice the piece of glass in his shoe that shredded his foot. The boy grew up, lived an interesting life to say the least, and wrote this story for you.
But he never forgot his vow to help others in need. Gentlemen always stop.

Thanks for ready America and if you like this buy my book Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America How to Live and help an author break out.  Available on amazon.com.  Don’t think because you have read my blog you have read my work.  I have held back key chapters that are only in the book.  Some sexy, some action packed, and others guaranteed page turners. Here is one of the reviews my book has received.  Follow me on face book (Taylor Oceans) and I will post your reviews with the rest.    http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385423520&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right

Posted by  in Blog LoveBooksLifeWriting

Earlier this year I shared some blog love when I wrote about Taylor Ocean’s blog, Playing Your Hand Right. Taylor’s story is interesting because although he’s been trying to get his writing published he was repeatedly turned away until someone suggested he tried to build evidence of a following through blogging, to show publishers that he had a readership audience. This month Taylor finally got his memoir book of the same name published, and I spent the day reading it.

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To the uninitiated, the autobiography might come as a bit of a shock but if you’re familiar with Taylor’s blog which features part of his book in rough, it’s really a continuation of the rollercoaster adventure that is his life. From his village beginnings as the undersized son of a single mother, to his career as a coke-dealer, his relationship with his estranged father until his death and I think most significantly his developed life philosophy that he calls ‘being a Gentleman’, Taylor’s story is a tale of caution and exhortation, a call to live life decently, in a most irreverent manner.

“Some of this will not pertain to you, much of this will offend you, but I guarantee there is at least one good piece of information in my tales for you.”

His most ardent ‘disciples’ (his term for fans, not mine) will have to forgive me but I was taught the important of grammar, spelling and formatting to the effect that the pleasure of reading for me is part and parcel of the flow – and any deviations or lack of care in these areas will always affect the flow. It’s a small criticism for what essentially is the rather unique voice Taylor has in his writing, which in the end is what kept me reading on nevertheless; storytelling is an art and Taylor has found his medium, brush strokes be damned.

Taylor was right though – many things in the book I did not like or agree with, but this was not really a surprise. As readers of this blog will know, I enjoy the opportunity to learn more about what life is like for other people – it’s why I think personal blogging is such a great way to build empathy and give insight into the billion lives we’ll never live. We may have been born only a year apart, but my life could not be more different from Taylor’s, and so much of what he has to say at times (especially because this book is essentially a sermon to America) had little to offer me. I found myself wishing for a bit of light and shade, which is difficult to develop when you’re doing a drive-by through life, which is what this book is. I wanted Taylor to take me beyond the blog. Instead, it felt like he was standing just out of reach. But some things are universal, and these moments are amazing. There were so many moments I laughed out loud, and I’m not sure if he’s a fan of Breaking Bad but I think he could give Jesse Pinkman a run for his money. Taylor, I think you’ve got a amazing script in you that Hollywood would just love to eat up.

We are all stuck on this planet together till we get to Mars, or blow ourselves up. Don’t forget Zombies. So we may as well shut the fuck up, get drunk, possibly high depending on your state, have some protected consensual sex, and just COEXIST.

In the end it’s hard not to give props to Taylor, who I think whether you agree with his viewpoints or not, is very much one of us. For giving this writing thing a go and working hard to make this happen, from a fellow aspiring writer and blogger, kudos to you Taylor for using your voice. May it encourage more of us to do the same.

I bought Playing Your Hand Right: Showing America How To Live for Kindle/iPad,here.  http://www.amazon.com/Playing-Your-Hand-Right-Showing/dp/1484829794/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1385423520&sr=8-1&keywords=playing+your+hand+right