2007 Gentleman and Ladies approved

Thank you disciples for reading my writing.  I’m blown away by your wonderful comments, and how many of you there are; all 2007 of ya.  With 1500 word press and 500 face book Taylor Oceans check it out.   Now I’m going to have a drink, some Chinese, and drive a woman crazy in my sex swing to celebrate.  Keep reading, tell your friends and I will keep you entertained.

Oceans

Inspiring Blogger Award

What the hell is the inspiring blogger award? I have been nominated two or three times and thanks by the way.  Am I supposed to nominate other writers because I am not an authority on writing or blogging.  I have blogged for not even two months, and have never been published.  We all have different preferences in writing and different tastes every day.  Some days I love the humor, others days I want my heart ripped out by a great tragic story.  Other days I just want to read the normal lives of people to be reminded that the whole world is not screwed up.  Some people’s biggest problem is who to take to prom and that is refreshing that innocence and white picket fences are still alive.  Anyone who writes inspires others because reading other people’s opinions open ourselves to new ideas.  I could never judge others writings so I nominate ALL WRITERS in all forms for the inspiring blogger award.  For showing that man can still use logic, peace and wisdom if only for the moments he is at the keyboard.  We all will die but our writings will be here teaching, and influencing, the future.  Long live the writers. 

 

Oceans

The New Gentleman

As promised sorry for being late.  The ending to my life. What do you guys think?

I resolved to be a Gentleman. But, not the stodgy wigs of old. The tea drinking bastards that start wars, but never bleed in them. The profiteers and the war criminals would not due to my example. I would redefine Gentleman. The Gentleman is neither a sissy nor something to be ridiculed or trivialized, it is the final step of becoming a true man. A gentleman does what’s right and what’s hard (what she said), no complaints. He is a steadfast, ostentatious icon who will give up his life for truth, justice and the American way while juggling the abilities to make a martini, avoid SWAT & properly seduce a stripper. A gentleman knows what must be done and how to do it. As The Duke once said, “You must be a man before you can be a Gentleman.”

In this crazy, fast-paced, computerized world, it seems that the word ‘gentleman’ has become lost to the times. Gone like fins on cars and the cod pieces of the past. I think it’s lost because no one has taken the time to redefine this word and how it pertains to our times. Will this book tell you to get the door for women? Yes. Will it tell you how a gentleman gets a lap dance? Again, yes. How about protesting or blowing a line? We’ll cover them, too. This book will establish how the new gentleman of our times walks, talks, fucks, sails and buys drinks. How about airport security, sex toys, and river trips? Again covered. We are going to enter the info age with a new look and new set of rules. Some of this will not pertain to you, much of this will offend you, but I guarantee that there is at least one good piece of information in my tale’s for you. So let’s begin…

Mitzvah

Yesterday you proved my point America. You need me to show you how to live. I was coming home from a new hair cut and a damn sexy one I might add. I see across the street a Mom and daughter broken down on the road during rush hour. To paint the picture I live down town in my state’s capital and the main hub is four lanes with a very pleasant grassy area with trees as a median. So on the other side I see traffic is backed up so I’m rubber necking like everyone else and see a Toyota Camry with a mother and daughter in the car. So I turn my 5’6” 140 pound ass around (not the best help pushing a car also I know shit about cars I’m a sailor), pull over and I jog to the car. So I get there and see the COEXIST bumper sticker my favorite. I have the original on my front door. So they are in the left lane and luckily there is a parking space open on the side of the road across the other lane of traffic. So the street is getting backed up but people are still flying by a single mom and her daughter that looked like she just got off soccer practice.

So I get to her car and frankly scare the shit out of her when I knock on her window. I’d shouted as I approached but her windows were up and the traffic is loud as countless people rushed by. Not Gentleman approved driving by a woman broken down America. I say lets push you out of traffic and to the parking spots before some drunk hits you. .My Grandpa always said, “Drive safe the roads are full of drunks and damn fools.” Luckily she had a stick shift, just like me, and we were waiting for a break in the traffic to push the car across the street.

Just as I was about to yell push to the ladies a pick up truck pulls onto the side of the street and a fellow gentleman, thank God a large one, leans out the window and shouts “Need a push?”. I shout “Hell yeah”. He pulls the big truck across both lanes blocking traffic, jumps out, gets next to me on the trunk and we line backer this car across both lanes and into the spot as I shout “Like a glove.” I go to shake his hand and thank him, but like a crack head running from a debt, he was gone like a flash; never to be seen again. Thanks dude your Gentleman approved. The Mother said thank you so much Sir. I replied the Sir is buried call me Oceans and left. She had already called a tow truck.

People for the love of God stop for each other; COEXIST. I will condone drugs used responsibly, drinking till blackouts, and orgies but only with condoms. But I cannot condone the actions of all the people who drove by. How many cars do you think drove by a woman and little girl without even giving two flying fucks. Shameful America.

And now to the Parents. That’s right Parental units be a good example for once. As blink 182 said “If were Fucked up your to blame.” How many parents drove by and didn’t help with their kids in the car. What kind of a message does that send. Sorry little jimmy we are headed to the food store that is way more important then helping your fellow man for five damn minutes. Not even fellow man; woman and daughter. Christ America if my sister was broken down on the road and you drove by not caring I would drive over your nuts so you could not contaminate the seed of humanity.

One of the greatest memories of my Father is when he pulled over to help a car on the side of the road. Really both my parents always stopped. It turns out that a girl from our home town had blown a tire on the bridge coming back from college. Some how she maintained control to the end of the bridge and got the the shoulder. Dad said stay in the car while I check this out because it was dark. He saw the problem and told me to come see. I watched my Dad calm this poor panicking girl down and we gave her a ride to her house which was right down the road from mine. The entire time she just said “Thank you, Thank you Thank you, Thank you, I was so scared.” over and over again. She had been there for three hours at night. That night she could have frozen to death on the side of the road because no one in our small town gave two flying fucks to stop and check the car. Look for the sock in window America. This was the world before cell phones and when she got home the look on here parents face I will never forget. I’m part Serb and we are not all crazy. My favorite Serb tradition is the mitzvah. Also in Hebrew. This is the the word for good deed and my Grandmother said we should do one every day. Helping that Mom and daughter push the car was a good mitzvah yesterday.  I still got drunk that night, I still got high, and I still got laid on the couch the floor and in the shower(chicks love a rescue story) . Drugs and alcohol do not define you. What you do for your fellow man is what is important.

It’s a small world people. Next time you see a car on the side of the road getting help it might be me pushing. Stop and help, I’m small, but I always help my fellow man. We are all stuck on this planet together till we get to mars, or blow ourselves up (Don’t forget Zombies) so we may as well shut the fuck up, get drunk, possibly high depending on your state, have some protected consensual sex and just COEXIST.

So America my content editor is on vacation so no one around to pull reigns on me.  This is a new chapter what do you think? Anybody going to stop and help your fellow man next time? Make pledge in comments.

Surviving Armed Assault

Surviving three robbers in your apartment building

So one night I decree to sleep normal hours like standard Americans. Now I normally sleep from seven in the morning to three in the afternoon, but I wanted to sleep from midnight or nine. So to accomplish this I drink two bottles of wine and take a handful of sleeping pills. Its funny that when you have done some drugs in your life one man’s suicide is another man’s good night sleep. (DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME) So I get into bed with my bottles, put on a Bond movie and crash hard. About two hours into my wonderful sleep I am awoken to the sound of tapping on my window. Now my friends have long learned that to wake me up you have to bang on my front window not my front door. Luckily I live on the first floor of my apartment building. Well, this was a fast paced nervous tapping not a wake the up dude tapping. So curious to the source of this sound I put on some boxers and walked into the hallway. I look to the left toward the front door and see no one, I look to the right and see a very strange sight. Now again I’m on two bottles of wine and a handful of sleeping pills so its safe to say my reflex time is diminished. I stare long and hard at these three figures trying to discern their purpose. I realize its three people in masks. One person has a rubber dog mask and the other two have on ski masks. Then I realize that one has a fucking machete. Followed by the conclusion that the other two are also armed, one with a shot gun the other a pistol. Now we stared at each other for a minute trying to figure our next moves. Suddenly without a word they rush me coming down the hallway. They cover fifty of the seventy five feet before I move and all I can do is dive head first into my house kick the door closed behind me and lock it. As soon as the lock clicks they are there trying to kick in my front door. Now if you read the apartment chapter the most important aspect of an apartment is the front door. The zombie apocalypse could happen at any time and so many people are vulnerable to a horde due to their weak front doors. If you think that is crazy then get it for the guys who try to kick it in rob, rape and or kill you. Sorry love zombies. So they are pounding on the door and I have gotten my gun and am set up ready to drop the first one to get through my heavy ass door. I picked my house because the front door is wood, but encased in metal. It is way Zombie proof. And the place has a very nice bar. Also next to me barking his head off is ze Arnold Scarface. My pet bear (mastiff and red lab but 178lbs) If any of them got through my bullets to the head, I’m an expert marksman, then my dog will finish them off.

As abruptly as it all started it ended with the appearance of my city’s finest. Everyone hates the cops till they need them. I hear the burglars shout “Cops” and I hear them run back down the hallway and out the back apartment.

Now that was my perspective want to know what the hell was going on? I got the full story later. Criminals in my city are getting smart. They figure why rob one apartment when you could seize control of the building group all the people living there and clean the whole building out before the cops get called. Now this is a good plan that went incredibly wrong. When they rush the first apartment the one behind me my buddy grabs his dog and runs out his back door escaping the trap. The criminals undeterred go across the hall to the building’s drunk artist. They kick in his front door to see a completely blacked out dark apartment and all they hear is the owner saying, “Get the fuck out of my house.” The criminals not knowing if in the dark somewhere a shot guns waits they leave and close the fucking door behind themselves. Now when my buddy got out he ran to the front of the building and started tapping on my window. I wake up just as the artist is scaring the shit out of the robbers. Now they were in the hallway figuring out what to do now. They broke into two houses and have nothing to show for it but a missing hostage and another possibly armed in a dark apartment. I come out of my door to see what is going on and they rushed me. I ran like like a little girl, locked my door and grabbed my dog and gun. I was saved by my front door. Now when the cops showed up the robbers ran through the back apartment and to the awaiting get away car in the alley. Now this is the funny part. I swear this is true. They throw their guns all over the parking lot making the place look like a South Carolina trailer park at Easter and make the get away to where? The fucking McDonald’s across the street. I shit you not they saw those golden arches and said, “hey you know what I want after a failed robbery a fucking Big Mac.” Now the person who called the cops lived three buildings down and saw them getting ready in his parking lot to come and rob us so the cops were on the way before they even started. Then that guy got to watch them run back to the car, drive away, and go into the McDonald’s drive through. He then called the cops again told them he can see them in the drive through and they were arrested after placing their orders. I swear on my ball sack this story is true.

Cancer Surgery

Getting the cancer our of your face

For this you will need either medical insurance or two thousand cash. I sadly being like most uninsured Americans went with the latter. It could have been six hundred cheaper, but I’m vein and we are talking about my top lip here. I got the best surgeon in my town. So I get my appointment a month later and show up for my big day. Oh did I mention it was a month later? Yeah, you will go fucking NUTS waiting. At one point I had bolt cutters in my hand ready to hack my lip off Dead Snow style. Somebody give me an amen for a great German zombie movie. And try the french one The Horde great flick. Can’t believe the French mastered zombie movies what a let down America.

So I take a cab to the doctor because I have broken every rule he gave me before surgery. First I had finally eaten after a month of booze, blow and bud. I had a great last meal, but your not supposed to eat before surgery. Second I was still on booze, blow, and bud. Try to imagine the look on my doctors face as I say yes to Eaten? Drank? Smoked cigarets? Marijuana? Hard drugs? Jesus your on coke and drunk? Yeah there was a nurse and an anesthesiologist as well to complete the image. The doctor didn’t want to do the operation, but I told him I hate hospitals, and there is no way I’m having you cut my face open without drugs; mine and yours. He says I may die from the anesthesia reacting with the amusement park of drugs in my system, and I say its a good day for it. Remember during this time in my life I just lost my family and wouldn’t mind seeing them at the end of the bar.

So I get an I.V. and the fun begins. Now I discovered years ago that I have a high tolerance; especially for a runt. Minutes go by and I’m laughing and joking with the doctors and they are looking at me as if I have two heads. I have counted back from ten twice and am on negative twenty. They increase the drip and I slip deeper and deeper into a really fun time. I was at negative fifty of sixty in my count. At this point they are worried for my safety because my heart is actually break dancing next to me in the operation room, while my liver smokes a cig in the corner. The doctor asks me if I want them to give me more drugs, but there is a very high risk of death. I quickly run through the story of when I was given the news of lip cancer. The crazy sex fueled, drug enhanced self inflicted sexicide and say “o yeah bring it on”. As if I was of a sound mind and body anyway. I concluded with “I get this shit out of my lip or you kill me it makes no difference to me today.” He looked at me in shock for a second then empathizing with my position he said “put a gas mask on him” and I was out like a light.

I awoke four hours later, after what should have been an hour outpatient operation, groggy as hell to someone poking me. I open my eyes to see I’m eye to eye with another person while lying on an examination table. Now I love Willow and the Wizard of Oz but waking up to a midget nurse is a sick joke. “Hey I’m alive” I realized happily. “Sir it’s time to get up you need to go home now.” my midget nurse said to me.

So I get up collect myself as best as I could and tried to walk. I fell straight to the floor and passed out. Attempt number two was better and political incorrectness aside midgets are just the right size to help you up off the ground. The next thing I remember I’m in the waiting room with six stitches in my lip and the secretary is trying to get me to fill out paper work. My doped up ass is drooling on the counter and hitting on this girl coming into the office with six stitches in my lip. Really paper work? I wrote my name large enough to cover the entire page and told them to send me a bill.

Next I’m on the floor of the CVS in the potato chip isle laughing my ass off, again drooling all over myself. I was trying to get my prescription but according to my buddy driving me only made it to the chip isle. After what I can only guess had been ten minutes he got worried about me, came in and found me on the floor drugged out of my mind really enjoying myself. They made an exception and gave my prescription to my buddy to get me out of there. The next thing I remember I’m at the bar on my block ordering, “The biggest strongest drink you have I just beat cancer bitch.” He said how about a long Island and I said I’ll have two. For the record it is hard to drink out of a high ball glass with stitches in your upper lip. And due to the drugs that is pretty much all I remember. I wish I could give you a more scientific elaboration on my surgery, but I didn’t want to know. I had watched my dad go in and out of hospitals and if I learned anything ignorance is bliss. I didn’t want to know I just wanted it solved. They told me where to go I had cash so they bent some rules and it was over in a month. I do know that I caught it very very very early since the lump on my lip was the size of a BB cut in half. Tiny little shit. I will say check out your lumps and moles people early operations are much cheaper, easier, and normally less risk. Ladies and Gentleman get checked you only get one body in this life.

Now both of these stories may be funny, and humanity but really this is not the way to do it. A Gentleman exercises restraint, composure, and faces his end with a stoic grace and dignity. I will also add you will never fuck as hard or as long as when you think you about to die.Image

The wrong way to take cancer news

The wrong way to take cancer news

Hello America. From my stories it is clear that in the past, before my quest to be a Gentleman, I made a ton of really really bad decisions. They were wrong, childish, sex fueled, always seemed to evolve more drugs then sense, funny as hell and embarrassing as shit. So lets tune in.

Now one day my buddy says, “hey, dude you have a lump on your lip.” Now me being the womanizing, dollar throwing, drink buying, 23 year old, I am, I thought I had gotten a souvenir if you know what I mean. So I go to the doctor for my shots. Tragically when I go to the doctor he try’s to tell me that the lump may be cancer and I should get checked out. Enter the five stages of denial. Stage one Anger. “Fuck you doctor, what do you know, you work at patient first fuck you I’m gone.” (If your reading this by the way I’m sorry Doc) I drive down the road to the best, most expensive hospital in town. The spot where all the rich people go. I have a 1,000 dollars cash ready to have a doctor saw off my lip. I rush into the emergency room and when I have to fill out the form I put cancer in the list problems. The woman looks at me funny and lets me talk to a doctor. Now I was impressed by how fast the doctor saw me, until he gave his prognosis.

Now this cancer expert says this to me after simply touching my lip. “Yeah that’s cancer.” Stage two of denial bargaining. I reply with “Cut it out man its just my lip here’s a grand lop the whole thing off if you need to.” He says he can’t I have to go to the specialist, but it normally takes weeks to get an appointment. He finishes his diagnosis with saying, “And it wouldn’t be a bad idea to get your affairs in order, what do you think you’ll do now?”

I think to myself this fucking doctor just had the balls to tell me I might die, and to make plans. He is now curious to see what I will say and how I will react. What a prick. I thought long and hard how to reply to this and I said the following. “I’m going to get an ounce of the dankest, skunkiest purple bud in this city, an eight ball of the most face numbing teeth gnashing blow, have my fuck buddy meet me at my house and either die from a sex or drug overdoes tonight.”(Probably not a good idea)  I watched my Dad die in bed it’s not for me. He looks at me with a curious look on his face and simply says, “pretty good that’s the best I’ve heard.” The nurse behind him was speechless the entire time but smiled as soon as I mentioned my fuck buddy and die fucking. You could tell she was wondering if she writes that in the chart and she looked at the doctor who shook his head.

I left the hospital in stage three of denial, depression. Convinced of my own mortality I jumped into my five speed BMW sports edition and floored it. I’m driving one hundred and fifty miles an hour on a two lane road with the music cranked as I smoke weed and call my fuck buddy to meet me at my house, telling her just that I got bad news from the doctor. I stop at my dealers house spend the grand and head home. I get home before her and jump in the shower because I’ve been sweating bullets all day. I finish my shower just in time to see her coming into my bedroom looking damn fine and ready to go. We get into bed I spark a joint and she says so what’s the STD. I reply with “STD what you were still going to fuck me.” She replies, “With well your good in bed and sadly if you have it so do I.” I thought good point on both fronts and told her I have cancer in my lip. A wave of relief washes over her and she starts blowing me. Life does have its perks.

I smoke my joint as I’m getting blown thinking of all the great sex I will be missing out on and all the woman who will not get to know how many orgasms they can achieve in one night. And all the Sailing that will never happen. And the crazy sex begins. Pound, pound, pound, missionary, pound pound pound doggy style line off her back. I plowed it like a field. I fucked it on the bed, on the floor on the wall, in the sex swing. She did lines off my cock and I did them off her back as I fucked her from behind. I even tied it up, gauged it, whipped it, paddle it and ravaged it till she couldn’t walk from ecstasy. She was kinky as hell and I liked it. I just kept fucking, kept snorting and smoking to a point it could be considered attempted suicide by drugs, sex, and techno.

The sun came up, we had done most of the drugs. Both us just lay speechless, exhausted, not believing the incredible sex we just had and how awkward our situation was. Her numb from the hair down from sex over load still wearing a collar and cuffs with the taste of salt in her mouth. Me covered in sweat, naked, possibly having my tenth heart attack of the night and cancer in my lip. And now in stage four, acceptance, a sad realization that I had survived my attempted sexicide. It dawned on me I had shit to do.

 

For the exciting conclusion read my post Cancer Surgery

Sex Toys

Sex toys

A key element of my redefinition of Gentleman in the modern age is wild and crazy sex. Now I’m not saying bust out the sex swing or magic wand on first date, but after a few bangs hell yeah.  Spice it up.   But if she doesn’t want to play don’t force it.  Try again on your birthday maybe Christmas and if no go sorry dudes.   Sex toys are a very fun change for sex. They add new excitement and put simply can do the work for you when you need a quick break. A sexy thing to say to your woman is, ‘start without me’, especially if you’re running late or grabbing some condoms. You return to find her half way there and you didn’t even have to do a thing. Shit, I’ve stood there, smoked a joint and watched the show. Why the hell not… Jump her when she is done and the orgasms just roll out..

Getting her to the first cum takes time, but after that its pretty much down hill. So try new things and watch a porn, or fifty, to catch new ‘lines’ so to speak. My favorites are cum on that dick, scream my name, and make her say thank you after ever cum. Try them. The important thing is to engage her and keep her focused on cumming. You have to pry it out of there mind body and soul to really do it right. That will be the next book back to sex toys for now. Followed will be a list of toys from basic to the crazy. Or a really stocked sex kit if you ask me or my fuck buddy. You can own all these for about 400 to 500 bucks. I recommend Jtstockroom.com or Adam and Eve.com.  This is supposed to be an overview I highly recommend you do some more research.  Read up on sex its the most fun you can have without laughing.

Vibrator Most are the smooth version, while they graduate all the way up to the pumping rotating throbbing versions. These are great for her to start without you or to loosen up her ass before you enter. Also while your doing her get her to hold it on her clit. Tell her to cum

Vibrating cock ring This is my personal favorite and they make disposable ones that cost a dollar. They are pleasant for both parties and you can wear two one worth the vibrator at the top for her clit and one on the bottom for your balls, but you will never last longer ten minutes with two those thing rock. Also these are supposed to be one time use but I have washed and reused them. A little soap some rubbing alcohol all over and you can get a few uses. Also they are shower safe. Should have seen me standing there naked, condom on, with this thing on my finger seeing if I would get shocked before I fucked her with it and give my dick the electric slide. Gentleman approved, shower safe for all parties.

Bullets these little babes are small battery powered clit vibrators that are just that great for her clit. Employ at all times and positions because she will always cum harder with a vibrator on her clit.

The magic wand this is the greatest creation on earth forget all other human advancement. Nuclear Power, the cure to polio, maybe even sailboats. This corded device never needs batteries and is always a crowd pleaser. This hand held device is good at all aspects, but its a little pricy and a bitch to keep clean. However if you try one thing on this list try this one. It vibrates so hard you have to plug it in. Put that on her clit and she will love you forever.

Shaped condoms These are fun a little pricy for a one time use thing and come ribbed studded all sorts, they are just cool.

Hand Cuffs Great stuff, you can cuff her hands behind her back and not unlock her till she makes you cum. If done properly she will ask for water while sucking your dick by saying, “Please sir may I have some water.” Very cool moment in my life. But beware the black ones may look sexy but they are hard to see and operate in the dark.

Butt plug these are great for stretching her ass before a good humping. They work for all position, but some are prone to slide out of the really tight ass so you may have to keep a hand on it.

Anal numbing gels These are great for numbing her during the break in process. Just put this on your fingers or toys first or your going to have a numb dick. I recommend anal ease or anal blue.

Anal beads These fun toys are great for her ass. They can be used in her pussy to but don’t go from hole to hole or you will give her a yeast infection and no more sex for you buddy. Also when she is cumming pull them out and watch her moan. You have to time it just right at her point of climax or its all fucked up, but I will say later is better then sooner.

Remote control vibrators These are good for the exhibitionist. Strap it onto her and take her out to dinner for some public fun. Although this is a much more secretive cum and she will quiver on how she can’t make a noise no matter how much you turn it up from across the table. Be sure to turn it on and off when she is ordering.

Ball Gages these are fun for the kinky fans. Gives her something to bite on when she cums and is better for the neighbors since she can’t get those loud ear piercing screams.

Open mouth gags these are also for the very kinky and will make her scream more since she cant ever close her mouth. Also with her mouth open all the time it is hard not to stick something in there if you know what I mean.

Sex swings these wonderful contraptions are great for all kinds of positions. There are two main version one with a support frame and the other hangs from a bolt you instal into the ceiling. If you have the space for a framed one they are great because they give you something to tie to. I have the hanging one and its great. I installed some eye bolts in an entry way and hid the eye bolts with a pull up bar. The eye bolts in the walls are used as coat hooks. Both swings are great as long as what ever you get has the huge industrial spring in it. This thing does all the work for you. With mine I just hang onto the handle bar get the spring going and enjoy the ride.

Lubes This is the most overlooked aspect of sex. Everyone just goes for the KY and gives up. Break free the shackles of the basic KY and forget all that heating tingly bullshit. Get yourself a real lube and when you plow that wet pussy like a corn field she won’t even think of KY. The best is hydrosmooth but I think its discontinued so I’m currently searching, but I may end up with CVS brand Silkie Smooth. It lasts longer then KY and is cheaper.

Cleaning storage and maintenance This is the most important. Toys are expensive and if you don’t clean them you will best case scenario have them malfunction worst case you will spread an std around. Clean all toys after use. I have waited till the next day but I soaked them in antibacterial soapy alcohol for and hour before and after cleaning. Clean your shit really really fucking well. My house is dirty as a rhinos asshole but my toys are stored in plastic bags in a suitcase ready to go at all times. You house can be dirty and disorganized, but your sex toys cannot be. Also rinse off the lube bottles once in a while.

Strip Clubs

Strip Clubs

I spent a lot of time at strip clubs since I dealt out of it. While doing this for two years me and the girls got very close. Well, these guys were on the rail drinking beer like the white trash they are and not throwing money. Well my friend is up there shaking her ass and these guys are blocking her from making money off some other chump. If your sitting on the rail you tip its a law. So I as nicely as possible go up there throw twenty bucks and say “she’s hot come on guys throw some doe” as a bro not as some dick head for the record. Well, they did not appreciate it. I apologized because a Gentleman never fights in a club. It kills the mood and accidents always happen. Do you want to accidentally hit a hot chick because your drunk and missed the dudes face… I don’t. So I make peace and return to my booth. Well a few beers later these necks come up to MY VIP booth and start shit. The dick says “What do you think your money is better then mine?” Now I’m a smaller dude and my very very large bud who has known me since six grade is a little protective. He gives me the can I kill them look and I signal no. All I do is start a ten second countdown in my mind. TEN, NINE, “Come on pussies” they shout at us. EIGHT, My bud is pleading with his eyes to be allowed to kill them. SEVEN, SIX, he takes his cheap beer and breaks my champagne glass. FIVE, my bud stands up ready to kill. FOUR, I gently restrain my friend without getting up. He sits back down, THREE, “Yeah thought so you rich pussy”. TWO, ONE and my plan is enacted BOOOOOOM. Remember when I said I was dealing out of the club? Well everyone was in on it the bouncers, the Manager and I knew I wouldn’t have to raise so much as a finger before some bouncer throws them out like a frisbee. The bouncers picked those two mother fuckers up so fast and threw them out you’d of thought the bouncers shoved rockets up their asses. And like a flash the glass was cleared, replaced, filled and comped. And the night was mine.

The lesson here is don’t fight at clubs especially for some imaginary offense. Also fighting is a vulgar activity. When I’m drinking champagne at 200 a bottle and I’m in my suit I’m not in the mood to ruin either. I just want to drink, make some money, and get back rubs from the girls. Lastly treat the dancers (if you can hang upside down twenty feet in the air with nothing but a pole and your incredible thighs you get to be called a dancer) with respect. Sure throw money, hoot your asses off, I got one off and had sex with another, but never force yourself on them, or miss treat them in any way. Play your cards right and act like a Gentleman and they will be eating out of your hand.

Thanks followers all 505 of ya

Just wanted to say thanks for following my blog.  I have gotten 505 in just over 20 days. When I started this I was worried that without the second half of My Life people would see only the beginning of my story and not the resolution.  I wrote this book and wanted to see how the public would accept it.  Well this post marks the half way point in the book I have written and am blogging. I want you all to know that the resolution will be posted when I hit 1,000 followers. As a thanks for reading my book.  The beginning of my life which you read is the hook for the book while the last chapter is a resolution and conclusion to my old life and the beginning of my new one.  The final rules of being a Gentleman and the way your hand should be played.  So tell your friends spread the gospel and I will do my best to keep you entertained and reading till then.  So thanks again and stick around for the conclusion of my book Playing your hand right: Tales of a Gentleman to be released when I have 1,000 followers.  

Thanks for following

Taylor Oceans